Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
