Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
