This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
