508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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