Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
ttyl tear gas
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
