Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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