White coat. Heels.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
