I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
