i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
