Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
