No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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