he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
