It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
