i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
