everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
