i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
