dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
