there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
