You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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