she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
