Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
