My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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