I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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