Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
