I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
