i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
