Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
