I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
