Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
