I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
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