just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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