Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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