i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
So much Jack, so little girl.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
