I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
