it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
