I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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