i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
