So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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