Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
