just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
