I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
