I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
