I have surprise drugs for everyone
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
