I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
