You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
