You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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