He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
