who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
The adults are the big ones right?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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