Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
