I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
