You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
