My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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