So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
