omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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