did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
