How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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